We may all reach a point in our lives when carrying a particular burden becomes too unbearable. Yet upon reaching this point, we may find that we are hesitant to tell anyone we are struggling or that we need help. For many reasons—including not wanting to let go of control, feeling ashamed, feeling needy, or not wanting to be rejected—we often don’t know the best way to ask for the help we need. We have been taught the importance of asking for help, but explaining how to ask for help and how to communicate this with others is often more difficult.
Part of the struggle in asking for help, especially when it concerns mental health or addiction, is overcoming the stigma. For first responders, talking with work colleagues about traumatic stress helps them communicate and express what they have experienced. While these conversations are helpful, they often do not provide the full range of help one might need to manage stressors. Although the culture around mental health and wellness is improving, many first responders may not ask for the help they need because the environment at work may not actively promote or encourage it.
Tips to Start
First responders may carry the belief that they are the helpers, not the ones who should be seeking help. However, we are all human, and no one should have to experience pain alone. It is important that we normalize asking for help and what that might look like. Here are some tips:
- Who Do You Feel Most Comfortable Reaching Out To?
To ask for help, we must know who we’re going to ask. The person should be a trusted family member, friend, coworker, or someone you want on your support team. Even if you haven’t reached out to this person for help before, talking with someone you know you can trust, who has your best interest in mind, can make the conversation less intimidating. This person may help you talk through things, and even if they cannot directly provide you with help, they can often be the one who helps get you the resources you need.
- Give Yourself Time.
Once you know who you want to reach out to, be specific about why you would like to talk and when you want to have a conversation. Sometimes planning on a time to talk can make sure that both you and the other person have enough time to have an in-depth conversation if needed. This way, neither you nor the person you’re talking to will have to cut things short. Instead of asking, “Can we talk sometime?” It may be more helpful to ask, “Can we talk tomorrow around 6 PM?” However, if things are more immediate, don’t hesitate to call right away. If they do not answer, it may be helpful to have a couple of people you know you can talk to.
- Don’t Apologize.
It is normal not to want to feel like a burden, and therefore we may start the conversation off with, “I’m sorry to bother you,” or “I hate to ask, but…” However, it is essential to not apologize for asking for help. Apologizing can make it seem like you are doing something wrong by asking for help, which is not the case.
- Expect Them to Ask Questions.
The person you are talking with may ask further questions to better understand how you are feeling and what is going on. You don’t need to know all the answers or even give them all the answers if you don’t feel comfortable. They are most likely coming from a place of genuine concern. Sometimes, the individual may also just be open to listening and letting you express what you wish to.
- It’s Possible You Might Not Get the Reaction You Were Hoping For.
You may have tried reaching out in the past, asking for sincere help only to be met with tired responses such as: “It’s just the blues,” “It’ll pass,” “It’s probably just a phase,” or “You’re just worrying too much.” Phrases like these can be discouraging. However, try to explain how things are really affecting your health and well being. If they still do not understand, it may be helpful to talk to someone else.
- You Will Likely Feel a Sense of Relief.
After opening up and sharing something you have been keeping to yourself with a trusted and understanding friend, it can feel like a weight has been lifted off your chest. You may begin to feel less alone, knowing someone else is there to support you.
First responders and their families experience more acute stress and trauma than the general population, and the statistics are staggering. With years of experience serving First Responders, we have a distinctive view of their career and family life – from new recruit training, wellness visits, peer support services, counseling, crisis support, department training, and long-term treatment. We are here to help. To get in touch with First Responder Wellness, email info@frhealth.com or call 888.443.4898 to connect with our culturally competent team.
